Thin Read online

  I nodded. “Yeah. I can eat that.”

  Still chugging my smoothie, Chloe walked to the fridge and pulled out a container of spinach, balancing another one with blueberries on top of it.

  “One super healthy salad, coming right up.”

  “I’ll just go wait in the living room,” I replied.

  As I turned to leave, I could hear Chase and Chloe bickering behind me.

  “Why do you always do that?” he hissed.

  Chloe sighed. “Do what? Help my friend?”

  “She doesn’t need you telling her what to eat.”

  “She also doesn’t need us pretending not to see what she’s doing …”

  The sound of the T.V. drowned them out when I stepped into the living room where Christian lay with his injured leg propped up. He glanced up at me as I walked in, his bright blue eyes downright electric against the black hair falling into his eyes.

  “Hey, you okay?” he asked.

  My chin trembled against my will, and my eyes began to sting. I shook my head, causing the first tear to fall, splashing my neck.

  Frowning, he reached an arm out toward me. Choking back a sob, I fell onto the couch next to him. One of his long, muscular arms came around me, pulling me against his side. I curled up against him, closing my eyes as he stroked my hair. His comforting scent surrounded me, grounding me in the moment and helping me calm down.

  There is nothing intimate or sexual about being held by Christian this way. All the girls in this apartment know he’s the one to go to when you’re going through a breakup, failed an exam, or are having parent drama. There’s something warm and calming about him—a quiet strength he knows how to use to make the person in his company feel like everything will be all right, even when their entire world is falling down around them.

  He might be a hot jock, but it’s hard to see him the way others do when I look at him as the brother I’d always wished I’d had.

  “Better?” he murmured, resting his chin on top of my head.

  Snuggling closer against his side, I nodded. “Yes.”

  We stayed that way for a few minutes, until Chloe, Chase, and Kara showed up with my salad. Finding me in Christian’s arms, Chloe frowned.

  “Okay, you never cry over salads,” she said. “Bread and pasta, yes. Salad, no. Something is wrong.”

  I opened my mouth to reply, but was cut off when Luke came dashing into the room, propelling Jenn by her arm. A Dillard’s bag hung over one arm, and she held a soft pretzel from the mall in her opposite hand. Behind them I spied Jenn’s mom, Mrs. Nolan, toting grocery bags to the kitchen. This meant an entire home-cooked meal would be spread out on the kitchen table within an hour.

  “Okay,” Luke panted, obviously out of breath, “she’s here now.”

  Rolling her eyes, Chloe glared at Luke. “Thanks for the update, Matt Lauer, but we’re kinda focused on Kinsley right now.”

  Pursing his lips, Luke huffed in annoyance. “Thanks, Barbie, I’m aware of that. She asked for Jenn, because she has news to share with all of us. Right, Kins?”

  Every eye in the room swiveled to me, and I sat up, pushing way from Christian.

  “Yeah,” I replied. “Maybe you should all sit down.”

  Placing the bowl of salad in my hands, Chloe plopped down on the couch next to me. “Are you knocked up? If you want to give it up for adoption, I still have all the info for the route we took with Annabelle.”

  “Jesus, Chloe,” Chase grumbled, perching on the couch’s arm next to her.

  “Don’t start,” she muttered. “Just because we’re engaged doesn’t mean you get to censor me.”

  Chase reached out and tousled her hair affectionately. “Never, princess.”

  Shaking my head, I watched the two of them exchange gag-inducing glances. It always baffled me how two such opposite people managed to fall in love and decide to get married. I would never have thought they’d make a good couple, but once they got together something seemed to fall in place. Maybe it’s true what they say about opposites attracting. Chloe and Chase made it work, at any rate.

  “What’s going on?” Jenn asked, laying her dress across the coffee table and sitting on the floor at my feet.

  “I had another therapy appointment today,” I said, staring down at the bowl in my hands.

  Sinking down onto the floor by Jenn, Luke nudged my foot with one of his. “That’s great, right? I know you didn’t want to do it, but it’s helping, isn’t it?”

  My hands shook, and I clenched my salad bowl to still them. On the outside, things might have looked better. The truth is, I was dying inside and no one could see it.

  Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to tell the truth. “No, guys. It’s not helping.”

  Silence fell over the room, and Christian reached for the remote, switching the T.V. off. No one spoke for a while, seeming to digest my admission.

  “My therapist wants me to go to a treatment facility.”

  Jenn gasped. Chloe scowled. Christian’s arm tightened around me.

  “Facility?” Luke said. “You mean, like rehab?”

  He didn’t look too pleased about it. Understandable considering all the drug and alcohol abuse that went on in his family.

  “Kind of,” I said. “But for people with disorders like mine. There’s more therapy, but other stuff. I’d have to live there for a few months.”

  Jenn blinked, her mouth hanging open for a moment before she could speak. “But … what about graduation?”

  “Rehab, though?” Chloe said before I could answer Jenn.

  “Treatment facilities for people with eating disorders can do a lot for severe cases,” Chase murmured.

  “Yeah, but she’s not exactly Amy Winehouse status. Am I the only one who thinks rehab sounds a bit extreme?”

  “No, I’m actually with you on this one, Chloe,” Luke replied. “Kins, I know it’s been hard, but maybe you should give therapy more time.”

  “What about graduation?” Jenn asked, louder this time.

  I closed my eyes and finally allowed myself to admit the truth out loud. “I’m not going to graduate.”

  Jenn’s eyes widened. “Wait … what?”

  Luke shook his head. “It’s just a few weeks away. Can’t it wait until the end of the semester?”

  Christian turned and stared at me, his gaze far too perceptive. “Guys, that’s not what she means. Is it?”

  I shook my head. “No. It doesn’t matter what I do at this point, I won’t graduate anyway.”

  “Kinsley—”

  Chase placed a hand on Chloe’s shoulder, silencing her. “Let her talk.”

  Giving Chase a nod, I continued. “I know this is hard for everyone to understand … perfect Kinsley not graduating on time. But that’s what this disorder has done to me. I pretend I’m getting better because I don’t want you guys to worry about me, but the truth is … Chloe, just thinking about eating this salad makes me want to cry. If I’d drank that smoothie earlier, I would have purged it later. I plan my entire day around being here so I’m always near a toilet. I love the smell of fresh baked bread, but thinking about eating it makes me feel incredibly guilty. And if I give in to the urge to eat it, the pleasure of it only lasts until the last bite is down. Then I’ll do everything I can to get it back up. I’m failing all my classes, I dropped out of cheerleading …”

  Silence ruled the room again when I trailed off.

  Christian was the one to break it. “So you’re saying this is it. This treatment place is your best shot.”

  Blinking back more tears, I sniffed. “This is probably my last shot. I can’t live like this anymore, and I can’t keep putting you all through it either. It isn’t your job to take care of me.”

  “Like hell it’s not,” Jenn insisted, reaching for my hand. “We care too much about you not to be there for you. So, if this facility is what you need to get better, I’ll help you pack your bags.”

  Christian grabbed one of my hands and Chloe gr
abbed the other.

  “And I’ll stop making you salads,” Chloe declared. “Give me that bowl of anguish!”

  Snatching the bowl from me, she dropped it on the floor beside her.

  Kara cleared her throat from the corner of the room. “I know I’m kind of new around here, but I think you’re doing the right thing. I hope it helps.”

  I smiled and nodded. “Thanks, Kara. You’re new, but I feel like you’ve always fit in here.”

  Laughing, she tossed her dark hair over one shoulder. “You don’t have to lie. But I appreciate you for trying.”

  Luke blushed and stood. “And on that note, I’m out.”

  Me, Kara, Jenn, and Cloe burst out laughing as he exited, probably escaping to his and Jenn’s apartment next door. Everyone knew the only reason we all hated Kara in the beginning was because Luke was too stupid to admit he was in love with Jenn, and spent months messing around with Kara before coming clean. As Jenn’s friends, Chloe and I were obligated to hate whoever she hated. But once Luke and Jenn got together and Kara moved in, we all got to know her. Turns out we’d totally misjudged her.

  “You’re all going straight to Hell,” Christian muttered.

  That only made us laugh harder. In the hours that passed, my anxiety receded as I spent time with my friends. It was funny how my roommates felt more like a family than my actual family. Even though I’d been pretending to be all right, I knew deep down it wasn’t necessary. My need to present a perfect image to people in my life was my own personal failing. These people, my friends, had always taken me as I am, the good and the bad.

  Now, it was time for me to root out the worst parts of the bad.

  Chapter Two

  “Chloe, what the hell are you doing?”

  Glancing up from the small pouch containing my toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, and various other toiletries, I found Jenn snatching a pair of my panties out of Chloe’s hand. The two stood over my suitcase, which laid open on my bed. They were supposed to be helping me pack.

  Holding up the matching bra—deep purple with lavender trim—Chloe scoffed. “Packing. Duh!”

  With a roll of her eyes, Jenn waved my underwear in the air between them. “She doesn’t need Victoria’s Secret lingerie where she’s going.”

  Chloe pursed her lips and snatched the panties from Jenn, tossing them haphazardly into the bag on top of a pile of clothes that lay in no particular order. My fingers twitched at the sight, the overwhelming urge to set it right slamming into me like a freight train.

  “There might be cute boys at this place.”

  Jenn snorted. “Right, because finding a guy is high on her list of priorities right now.”

  Shrugging, Chloe continued packing, rifling through my drawers and tossing various garments into my suitcase. “It couldn’t hurt. Maybe there will be some young, hot counselors. Ooh, or a personal trainer! Kins, didn’t you say this place has people there to help you work out?”

  Nodding, I added deodorant, shampoo, and conditioner to my pouch. “Nutritionists and chefs, trainers, counselors …”

  “Ugh,” Chloe grumbled, flopping onto my bed beside my suitcase. “What’s a girl gotta do to get into that place? I need to lose just eight more pound of baby weight.”

  Finishing off my pouch with a collection of bobby pins and hair ties, I zipped my bag and approached the bed. Sliding it into the luggage’s side pocket, I laid back on the mattress next to Chloe and turned my head to face her, laughing.

  “Oh, nothing really … just spend months puking up everything you eat and almost kill yourself with diet pills. It was easy, really.”

  “Move over,” Jenn grumbled, sitting on the bed and wedging herself between me and the suitcase, sandwiching me between her and Chloe. Grabbing my hand, she gave it a squeeze and rested her head against my shoulder. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “I’m only going to be gone for ninety days,” I replied, closing my eyes.

  In reality, at that moment ninety days sounded like an eternity. I was barely making it day to day.

  “You know what I mean,” Jenn replied. “We’ve been planning graduation since freshman year. I never thought … well, it won’t be the same without you.”

  Forcing a smile, I fought back tears. “You guys don’t let me not being here mess things up. Have fun and party your asses off. You worked hard to get here.”

  Rolling to her side, Chloe grabbed a tiny section of my hair and began braiding. “So did you.”

  Her soft whisper struck me to my core, and I found myself thinking back over the past four years of my life. Four years of avoiding parties, drinking, and distractions to ensure my grade point average never slipped below a 3.8. One thousand, four hundred, sixty days of cheerleading, serving as student council vice president, and model student behavior … and at the end all I’d earned was a trip to a rehab facility.

  A soft knock sounded on the door just before Christian poked his head in. His expression read grim, mouth pinched and brow furrowed.

  “Uh, sorry to interrupt. Kins … Aaron is here.”

  My throat constricted at the sound of his name … the other thing I’d spent years on, only to have it slip through my fingers. Sitting up swiftly, I flinched at the reminder that Chloe still held a piece of my hair between her fingers.

  “Sorry,” she murmured, letting go as I rubbed the tender spot on my scalp.

  “What the hell does he want?” Jenn grumbled.

  Christian shrugged. “Don’t know, don’t care. Want me to get rid of him, Kins?”

  “Yes,” Chloe muttered.

  Forcing myself to stand, I shook my head. “It’s sweet that you guys want to protect me, but Aaron and I broke up almost a year ago.”

  Their silent stares told me they knew I wasn’t over it. However, I wasn’t in the mood to admit that to them out loud. Besides, Dr. Brown was always telling me that avoidance only exacerbated my issues. Maybe it was time to stop avoiding the thing that had sent me on this downward spiral in the first place—the demise of the one relationship in my life I had thought of as unbreakable and constant.

  Checking my reflection in the full-length mirror near the door, I grimaced. I was swimming in my oversized clothes, and my hair hung down my shoulders in limp waves. Chloe’s braid had come unraveled, leaving one crinkled strand standing out conspicuously among the rest.

  Since there wasn’t much I could do about it, I turned away from my reflection and left the room. Pausing at the top of the stairs, I found him pacing near the front door, hands clenched behind his back.

  I drew in a deep breath while making my slow way down the stairs, glad my steps fell light so I could observe him with stealth. The past year had been good to him—he looked amazing in the T-shirt hugging his shoulders and chest before falling toward the waistband of his jeans. His skin gleamed dark chocolate brown, black hair cropped close to his head and defined with rippling waves brushed fastidiously flat from wooly curls. When he heard me approaching, dark, fathomless eyes turned up to meet mine, sending my pulse into overdrive. As hurt as I’d been over him dumping me, it was hard to deny his magnetism.

  The smile he gave me as I reached the bottom floor didn’t help matters, making my stomach quiver with longing. How did he do that?

  “Hey,” I murmured, hoping I appeared as nonchalant as I’d forced myself to sound.

  “Sorry for just dropping by like this, but I was in the neighborhood and … well, I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently.”

  I raised my eyebrows in shock, unable to stop my surprise from showing. “You have?”

  He nodded. “I’ve wanted to call.”

  Folding my arms across my chest, I gave him a pointed look. “Why didn’t you?”

  Sighing, he brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me. But I was passing by and figured it was worth a shot.” Glancing up the staircase, he smiled. “Hi, Chloe.”

  Turning and glaring up at the blonde trying t
o hide behind a plastic plant, I huffed. “There are too many damn people in this house.”

  “Oh!” Chloe exclaimed with obvious false surprise. “There’s that earring I’ve been looking for.”

  Appearing next to us from the living room, Chase glared up at his fiancé with a shake of his head. “Princess, put some shoes on and let’s go.”

  Standing and coming out of hiding, Chloe braced her hands on her hips and gave him a defiant stare. “Go where, bossypants?”

  Lifting an eyebrow, Chase shrugged. “The mall?”

  Eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree, she disappeared into our room, then appeared a few seconds later wearing a pair of flip flops, with her purse in tow.

  “Jenn, Chris, you too!” Chase called out, his expression stern.

  Chris came hobbling out of his bedroom on his crutches, his sheepish smile telling me he’d been lingering in the doorway to listen. Jenn appeared from behind the cracked bathroom door, the closest vantage point to the stairs.

  “But, I just got back from the mall!” she protested. “And it’s almost dinnertime.”

  “I need you to help me keep Chloe on a budget, and your mom’s meatloaf won’t be ready for at least an hour and a half—her words. Plenty of time. Chris can keep her company, Luke’s gone to rehearsal, and Kara left for her date.” Turning to me with a smile, he gestured up the staircase. “The second floor is all yours. Take your time.”

  Standing on tiptoe, I kissed Chase’s cheek, grateful for his steady, mature presence. The oldest in the house, he could always be counted on to act like a grownup. Amid a chorus of complaints, Chase managed to herd the girls out the front door. From the kitchen, I could hear Christian chatting with Jenn’s mom in hushed tones. Left with nothing to do but face the big, stinky elephant in the room, I turned to lead Aaron upstairs. He followed me in silence, walking much too close. I became far too aware of his masculine scent, and the heat radiating from him, seeming to seep from him and sink into me. Glancing down, I spied his large hand on the rail, inches from touching mine. Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I preceded him into me and Chloe’s room. He closed the door behind him, lingering near it as I crossed the room toward the bed.